When you make an offer to the perfect prospect and they say “no”

One of the biggest hurdles that are slowing you down and preventing you from taking consistent action to reach your business goals?

It is how attached you are to the outcomes you get.

So you tell someone what you do for a living and they are not following up with interested questions. Or you post something to your audience and no one responds.

Or you make an offer to a person who *should* be the perfect candidate to get amazing, life-changing results from your services. But they say no.

“She should have been an easy sell. She had followed me and engaged with my content on Facebook and LinkedIn and signed up for my email list. And pretty much immediately signed up for a free consultation.”

“What happened?”

“Suddenly, she didn’t know if life coaching was what she wanted. She completely caught me off guard on that because she had been following me and reading all my stuff. So I began telling her how I could help her, but she didn’t buy. I feel so mad about it”

And so this coach spent the next few days replaying the discovery call in her mind, being angry with the prospect that she didn’t just buy.

It’s hard not to take that “No” personally.

Because when it’s your own business, it always feels personal at some level. I always felt this struggle, the struggle to not attach my worth and identity to the outcome of any one thing happening in my business.

It takes active work on your mind to not let missing engagement from your audience or missing sales mean something about the value of your work.

You scold yourself in your mind for not being good enough. “I’m just not cut out for this. If I could just figure out what’s wrong with me so I could get some help to fix it. Why doesn’t it work when I do it?”.

It’s so puzzling why you can be so damn good at so many other things in life but just can’t seem to get the sales.

Okay, you might not be thinking any of this. But you might still feel it, unarticulated, on a deeply personal, soul-level. And it’s hindering your success because it tampers with your energy and makes you hold back on showing up as the most powerful version of YOU.

Having success in our professional life is kind of a big thing when it comes to life satisfaction.

It works like this:

You attach some of your personal value to your results.

The more you do, the more you fear not getting results.

When you do anything in business, that fear shows up. Especially when you do marketing or discovery calls. (Because your existing clients already voted for you once with their wallets. But in marketing or discovery calls you are trying to show your worth to people who are less familiar with you).

It comes off so clearly in any kind of conversation, either in writing or on a call. That sense of low confidence and attachment to the outcome. Which means you will likely appear needy.

This is the biggest turn-off in any sales situation.

So you don’t make the sale and this confirms to your subconscious mind that you are unworthy and unable. Result: Your fear increases.

It’s a horrible, downward spiral that has led so, so many business owners to throw in the towel and quit their dreams.

If you don’t break the cycle EVERY SINGLE TIME you begin moving on that downward spiral, you will end up thoroughly convincing yourself that this shit is JUST TOO HARD.

Don’t think I’m just calling you out. I’ve been in that spiral so many times I’ve lost count.

The closer you are to the breaking point, the more effort it requires to climb out. But it’s always possible.

There are probably more than one way to get out of this rut, but to me, the foundation is knowing my intrinsic value as a human being. Or just as a being.

You see, I was raised by my single mother. She was a minister of the church (talk about breaking social norms as the first FEMALE minister of a large, conservative parish (not to mention being a single mom!) But that’s a tale for another day). I left the church when I was a teenager, but she taught me a worldview I will never renounce.

She taught me, that no matter how my life would unfold, no matter how I would behave or act. No matter any damage I might cause. I would always have intrinsic value as a (human) being. Simply because I exist.

I remember my teacher giving an evaluation of me in primary school once. She said, I always seemed to “be at ease with myself.” Meaning, that I never seemed to doubt my worth. I’m not talking about my skill in school or being a show-off. Just… feeling okay with being me.

So the feeling of being valuable just because I was born has never left me. It is completely separate from how well business is going. Or anything else in life for that matter.

So step 1 in finding your way out of self-doubt is to remember:

You are valuable. Without any restrictions at all, you have intrinsic value.

You can reinforce this dogma, this concept, by acting from this.

Treat yourself as you would a good friend. Do things you enjoy. CARE about your wellbeing.

Take time off from your business. Even just a little mental time off once in a while. Be careful to have moments when you don’t THINK about your business. And spend time with people in your life that have no connection to your business. And take care of your body. Show your appreciation of yourself.

Step 2. Be careful to separate ACTUAL value from the PERCEIVED value of your work to your audience.

When it comes to growing your business, perceived value is what will make you money.

When you are building your skillset, when you are training and practicing your craft, when you are changing lives in working with your clients, you are preparing for and delivering actual value.

But we’re talking about growing a business now, aren’t we?

Showing the value of your work IS marketing. It IS sales. And showing your prospect THAT YOU CAN HELP THEM is what sells. That is perceived value.

So when you’re not selling, it will be because your perceived value is too low. It’s not worth the price or the opportunity cost of signing up with you. When your prospect goes on to sign up with someone else who’s less skilled, your competition beat you on perceived value.

To demonstrate perceived value in the market, you have to dig really deep into what it actually is that you provide and how that benefits your clients. The details can be so incredibly hard to discern completely on your own. Likely there’s another level of clarity you need to dig up, that you’re not seeing yet because you’re too close. But when you find this, you will stand out and woo your ideal clients like nothing you dreamt of before.

Being ultra-clear about how to position the value of your work will make it easy-peasy to communicate your offer to attract clients. You will feel proud to be offering this service. You will want your prospects to sign up, not because YOU need the sale but because you know that to the right person, your service is life-changing. Because your client needs to be sold on your offer.

When you feel this, hearing “no” on a discovery call is not a problem (Not for you. Might be for the prospect!).

Because it says nothing about the quality of your work. Or your skills in achieving your goals.

You then detach completely from the outcome of your marketing and your discovery calls.

What a relief!

If not getting sales meant that you’re not cut out for business, no business would ever get started, right?

But if you can change the perceived value of your service and then make sales, then a lack of sales has NOTHING to do with the quality of your work or your level of skill.

Working with clients will sharpen your skills in working with clients. It will not automatically sharpen your skills in selling.

So don’t make your business success or lack of it mean anything about how well you can serve your clients right now.

If you’re in that awful downward spiral of feeling like a failure (I hope not!) and you are attaching to the short-term results of your marketing efforts, remember that a lack of results says nothing about your professional skill and it says nothing about YOU.

YOU have value.

Remind yourself of any evidence you might find, that you are great at what you do. Collect and look at your client feedback and results to boost your self-confidence.

When you allow yourself to feel down because the prospect didn’t sign up, reaching your goals in business becomes more and more difficult. Because everything that’s not working will just seem to prove that you are (in your mind) not meant for success, that you don’t have it in you, that you are a failure.

At this point, it will be almost impossible to see objectively what needs to change and then make the change quickly. But when a “No” means NOTHING about you or your ability to do great work, your focus is not on the past but SOLELY focussed on moving forward and creating results.

That is when you make your dreams come true.



If you need help in positioning your offer so that new clients are eager to pay you, I might be able to help. This is part of my 1:1 program for experienced coaches and therapists.

I also teach my clients a bullet-proof client attraction strategy and train them in crafting converting content for social media and email. So they get clients.

If you’re interested, simply ask about my 1:1 program. I’ll ask you a few questions to determine if you’re a fit for the program and if you are, we can get started right away.

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